It's no secret that marriage isn't easy. The divorce rate is ridiculous and it is easier to walk away then stay and work through issues. Now we know that there are certain situations that are not healthy to be in, so we are not referring to those. It's true what they say, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", but that's also what makes your partner attractive to you, right? I like my man to be a man's man, but also knowing that he tears up when I board a plane without him is what I find attractive. Now if he was full balls sobbing, I'd have already ditched him!
There is so much wisdom that could be offered up from those who are married and also from those who have gone through a divorce. We have asked women from both scenarios what advice they could give to those who are about to be married. There was a common theme to their answers. Also for your enjoyment I've added some of Anne Taintor's quotes to remind us all to find the humor in life and in relationships.
"My advice would be...men do not change. What you see is what you get, IF you want to know what 50 years down the road will look like, look at today," Megan, age 27, Married 2 years.
"Always put your family first, before work, before friends and NEVER go to bed angry," Veronica, age 30 something, Married 7 years.
"Make a weekly date night...even if just for some coffee or a drink, little snack while you chat together. That means cell phones off!" Michelle, age 32, Married 3 years.
"Marriage isn't a fairytale, it will never be perfect and he'll never be Prince Charming. It's hard work, really really hard work sometimes. I think as women we are set up to think of love in a very unrealistic way because of movies and TV. We want things to always be rosy and happy all the time and then when it isn't we are disappointed and get angry at him for not giving us the perfect life. Remember to communicate, he can't read your mind. Always be open and honest about everything and in the end all the blood sweat and tears will bring you something that makes it all worthwhile." Jennifer, age 42- Married 12 yrs/now divorced
"This year we will celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary.....we have been together 26 years. As with any relationship...we have had some challenges...but we get thru it together....putting our relationship and family first. We still have fun together and truly enjoy being together...lots of laughter. It's the little things...like a kiss goodbye each morning...and hello each evening that keep us connected." Cathy, in her 40s, Married 24 years
One of the women that gave her piece of advice later changed it to, "Change mind...can mine be how to turn a blind eye and ear when your husband farts and picks teeth with his finger even when you bought him these special toothpicks?...lol hahahaha."
"If you have a problem with your spouse, the first one to know about it should be your spouse and NOT your friends or parents. You get to understand your spouse's point of view of the problem," Tatiana, age 26, Married 4 years.
"The one scripture I find myself always falling back on throughout our marriage is Ephesians 4:26 "in your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." So I guess that would be my advice, "don't go to bed angry" even if it means burrowing your head in your pillow because you can't stand to hear another word, and you wake up with bags under your eyes because you stayed up hashing it out. It is always worth it," Natalie, age 20's, married 9 years.
I loved the advice from these wise women. Who knew they'd have so much insight on the male species? So let your man be who he is, and if it's something you won't be able to live with...you may want to reconsider forever. And of course work through the issues right away, communicate and don't let them linger b/c they may grow into something much worse.
With Love From SoCal,